Silence

Yesterday it started snowing again here in the Spanish Pyrenees. I always get excited when I discover it has been snowing during the night. In the fresh snow you can see tracks of animals that have been visiting the area while the humans were sleeping. On the slope near the kitchen I discovered many, many signs of cats. This is not surprising as there are currently seven cats living around here. More exciting obviously are marks of other, wilder animals. Earlier this year when we were doing our long retreat further up in the valley, I found tracks of the pine martin, wild pig, izard, numerous birds, plus the local cats and dogs. The idea of these creatures passing through the night unseen and unheard by us, appeals to my imagination.

At the moment there are 13 people on retreat here at EcoDharma. They just finished a 36 hour period of silence and being on their own, a solo day. Walking through the valley I spotted footprints made by many different boots. On my way back I sometimes wondered whether they were mine or another person’s. I fitted my boot in another footprint and had to conclude that the original imprint was decidedly bigger. I stared with wonder at muddy water coming up, seeping into the gaps of the imprinted profile, revealing the perfect pattern hidden under the soles of my boots.

There is something about footprints that moves me. On a retreat half a decade ago there were ten of us in a Spanish valley, much further south from here. During the five-minute walk to the shrine hut, I recognised imprints of three pairs of Tevas, a pair of Esprit slippers, a pair or Birkenstocks, Wolky boots, two pairs of slippers or flip-flops of unknown brand, my own sandals the Scandinavian brand of which I always forget and one pair which I cannot remember, a possibly significant failure of memory. Surely the skill of interpreting traces and signs in nature is lying dormant in each of us, manifesting in urban life by the ability and eagerness to recognise brands and fashions.

Maybe there is a Robinson Crusoe in me, getting thrilled to see signs of other beings after a period of wandering lonely in my mind. Allegedly the first visual representation of the Buddha was a footprint. Another association that comes up is Cinderella’s mule. Because it only fitted her foot and nobody else’s, she was liberated from a life of misery among people who were suppressing her. When I was a child I didn’t want to walk on ‘human’ paths, so my parents tell me. Often when I was walking through the woods I would imagine that with the next step I would set my foot on a spot that had never been trodden before. For that same reason I loved going out on the lawn in the early morning, knowing that I would be the first to walk on the freshly formed dew. These childhood myths often get fulfilled in unexpected ways. On the morning after my private ordination I felt somehow a deep wish had been fulfilled and a vast territory was beckoning, open for exploration.

A lot has happened since I last wrote on this blog. After we’d spent three months on retreat in the Spanish Pyrenees, we decided we wanted to live there permanently. The community we wanted to start in South-West England wasn’t very likely to happen soon and we urgently needed a place to settle down which would work for both my partner and myself, and for us together. The place in the north of Spain seems to have all that is needed: simplicity, silence, beauty, wilderness and remoteness. It also offers a challenge. Leading a simple life is the only sensible answer I can personally think of with regard to the acuteness and extent of the present ecological crisis. I’d always thought that one day, one day, I would turn to nature and live with the trees, the animals, the rocks and all other beings. Now the opportunity is presented to me, I am taking it with both hands.

I feel a bit embarrassed about this blog being so very very quiet, but it cannot be helped. I’ll be on retreat in Spain till 22 March, so I will not be in a position to write about what’s going on. The plans for the bigger community are still very much alive. We’ve had a series of good meetings about it to clarify the vision of the community. We’ve made a document that states this vision and our plans. Things are happening, but we’re not yet ready to decide upon the financial and legal structure of the community. It’s been very good for everybody involved to discuss individual thoughts and aspirations and phrase our shared ideals.

More later…

The season is drawing to an end. Leaves are beginning to turn orange, red and yellow. Hopefully the end of the season will mean that more energy will be available for developing an Eco-Dharma Community in Devon. The core of people wanting to participate in this project work in Buddhafield, although a lot of people outside Buddhafield are interested too. We’re looking for a farmhouse with barns and outbuildings that can be converted, plus at least 60 acres of pasture and woodland. From now on I’ll be using this blog space for reporting about our activities and thoughts about this new community. May it help, may it happen, may intentions turn into actions and may those actions bear fruit.

I was amazed when I saw the time stamp under my last entry, which was end April. I wonder what I have been doing in the past six weeks. They have been full indeed. I have been traveling a lot within the UK. I’ve been to two retreats and an order weekend. Last weekend I was in Easterbrook again for a Choosing Life event, based on the work of Joanna Macy. During one of the workshops I communicated with a tree and learned how to walk like a fox and to view the world like an owl. Fascinating stuff. We did a mandala of truth in which people could express their fear, sadness, anger and feelings of emptiness. I like the sound of ‘mandala of truth’. It sounds very tribal for some reason.
On that note one of the most significant things that happened to me in the past six weeks is the handfasting ceremony I did with KS. This is possibly the closest I’ll ever get to being married. The handfasting took place at Broadhembury on 1 May, full moon, Beltane and Wesak. There is a Prajnaparamita sanctuary on the land and I felt that was highly appropriate. The whole idea of doing a ceremony had welled up spontaneously some nights before when KS had smelled may blossom in the air. We stood under a big oak in borrowed clothes, slightly shivering in the cool evening. It was a very happy occasion.

Between coming back and going away, I’ve found a day with space and rest and hours of blissfully being alone. I love the company of people, but I also really enjoy being on my own. The balance between the two will be something to work with now that I have just moved into the Buddhafield community here in Hittisleigh, Devon. With most of the community setting up a retreat near Broad Hembury, it’s just me, a lazy chair, a laptop and the green hills that don’t fail to make me happy. I have a strong feeling of contentment and am very grateful for being where following the path has led me. My blue Buddha is sitting in the shrine yurt behind the house. I have a sense he likes the company he finds himself in.

I am packing and sorting my stuff. In the background the biggest deadline of the year is breathing softly in my neck. I didn’t think I would be here again, but there: it has happened. Similar to last year I am facing two parallel deadlines. Last year it was my second book, about Buddhism in Holland, and the spiritual calendar I was writing commentaries for. This year it is the calendar again - for 2008 - and moving to another country, actually into the country.

The rhythm of writing some texts and alternating this with cleaning and packing, seems to work well most of the time. Today my creative energy is running low, so I wonder why I am writing a piece for my blog. I generally enjoy working on the calendar project. First I need to find quotes (122 in total), then I reflect on each of them and write a piece of text about it. A lot of my everyday experience ends up in these commentaries. It will be fun - at least for me - to read them next year and recognise bits and pieces of my life. Objects get packed in boxes and moments and impressions packed in text. In the meantime my signature is slowly disappearing from this flat. The Buddha is still there, watching from the mantelpiece that is nearly abandoned. He’ll go last, as his presence is continuously wanted.

On my way from the south I’ve made a stop in Birmingham and will be flying back to Amsterdam tomorrow. I am writing this blog entry in the guest room of one of the Buddhist communities in Moseley. I’ve been meeting up with lots of friendly people today. Brummies are kind people, I am told, and I can only state that I agree. Over the weekend I felt that Spring is really starting to happen. The Buddhafield order weekend I was kindly invited to took place in a magical place called Easterbrook. I made some photos.

Since a few months I am a Skype user. I know I am pretty late, but that had to do with being a Mac user as well and a relatively poor one too. A few months ago Skype introduced video, so if both parties have web cams you can see each other while you’re talking. This takes some getting used to. If you’re talking to someone and you look at their face, it looks as if you’re looking down. In my case the camera is built in the laptop, so I cannot change its position. The whole thing makes me much more aware of my expressions and reactions. I am thinking that if this is taking off - and it will - everybody will automaticallly be trained as an actor.

Looking for interesting Skype plug-ins just now, I read the following on their website: ‘If your friends or family aren’t on Skype yet, why not share Skype with them. Sharing is good for your karma and it will let you talk to all your friends and family through the internet for free.’ Right, good for my karma, is it? That would very much depend on how I am using it. I found some plug-ins that made me realise again how quickly the world of business and communication is changing through all technology that is developed for the Net. I drooled over language courses offered through Skype, the possibility of avatars mimicking you, free call centres, a device that detects the stress level of the person you’re talking to, and much more. Amazing. My mind is racing over possibilities to do with teaching the Dharma through Skype. Imagine an avatar of the Buddha teaching meditation and it simultaneously being translated in numerous languages! Very Mahayana. I am very excited.

I’m just back from the supermarket here in Amsterdam and I am totally amazed. A sign in the supermarket said that it was open on Sunday, on X-mas day and even on Boxing Day as well. When I wanted to cross the street there were lots of people trying to do the same thing, carrying huge shopping bags, some with enormous carton boxes on the back of their bicycles, one struggling to push an abundantly loaded shopping cart over the tram rail. Cars had to wait to let the crowd pass from one side to the other. Ordinarily this is a quiet street. Today I have been looking into a feature I want to implement in the Buddhist magazine I am working for. It is to stimulate people to buy less. It is a pity the International Buy Nothing Day isn’t a monthly or a weekly event instead of a yearly one.

all photos copied from http://www.koopniets.nl/buynothingday.htm.